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Elaine
I'm sorry that some of my words in this and other threads hurt your feelings. I apologize for using such dismissive language as "B.S." and "nonsense." I shouldn't have said those things.
I am coming from a place of love. I believe that many of the ideas in THE PRIMAL WOUND are destructive because they pathologize adoption and adoptees, worsen the guilt felt by b-parents, and marginalize adoptive parents.
I believe that much of the sense of woundedness felt by many, not all, adoptees could have been prevented with committed and sensitive parenting by adoptive parents, and through open adoption and opening of previously closed records. Open adoption would serve to alleviate the hurt feelings caused by a feeling of having been abandoned, and would also prevent genealogical bewilderment.
The only remedy for woundedness espoused by Nancy Verrier is years of costly therapy in which people who don't feel a wound are belittled with accusations that they are "in denial." This is not productive, and does not address ways to prevent adoptees' unhappiness from developing in the first place. I am not anti-therapy, but from my own experience I think that therapists who believe in the primal wound do so because it offers a simplified view of adoptee issues. I have experience with one such therapist, and she was a quack. Luckily, I didn't spend more than a few sessions with her, and was able to get help from a qualified person later.
No, I have not read much about in-utero bonding. I plan to do so. Can you recommend some good places to start? I believe that the bonding that is important for infants occurs by way of tactile senses: touch, smell, hearing, sight, and even taste. Holding the infant, feeding the infant, singing to the infant, caressing, kissing, and rocking the infant, these are the methods by which a strong parent/child bond is built and nourished. In-utero bonding might start this process, but I believe that it's only a start, and if interrupted, can be picked up by a loving adoptive mother (or father for that matter), with little more than a hiccup in the process.
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