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Big Bertha,
Sorry for the pain you are going through. I am an adoptee who would love to talk to my bfather but he is not interested. He will not even take the time to provide medical history.
What happened, happened and it is a fact. Your husband was an adult at the time and like anything else in life must face the reality of his choices. I cannot imagine anyone thinking badly of him - he made a mistake - don't we all? It is what you learn from the mistake that matters.
What about your children and grandchildren. They are missing out on a potential relationship that may be great. If you had a half sister would you not want to know her? Genes do not lie - my handwritting is identical to my birth mother - who would have imagined something you learn how to do, you do the same as someone you never met but has her genes. Imagine the relationship that could evolve with someone that genetically close to you.
What if you asked your husband if you could be the go between? If for nothing else than to provide information that this child never got like everyone else. I am one that would have benefited from medical info and still would - I have already had a heart attack and stroke at 43 which usually doesn't happen to females unless it runs in your genes. My doctors would like to know what else is going to pop up and say surprise...
Try to describe yourself - what you look like - who you got your sense of humor from - what nationality you are - what your family is like - where you came from. It is like you are an alien to people who know their parents.
I am not trying to upset you, just give you an outside view of what you can only emphasise with, not understand in the hope that it gives you other options to consider.
Kind regards,
Dickons
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