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BigBertha... I SO agree with you that it doesn't seem fair, and that innocent people get hurt in all this. I don't want you to think I am disputing that for a minute. I'm only offering possible explanations to hopefully give you some understanding, although I doubt it will give you peace. (and you, like the adoptee, are definitely an innocent in this case)
In reunion, many times one of the parties may not want contact immediately, or they change their mind once they get older. The birthmother may have left that information there in case she changes her mind. Things may change in the adoptees life where she need information, or simply wants to meet her gene pool. You are a mother... if you had a child out there, would you not want to make yourself available to them, provide them with whatever information they needed?
Read some of the posts from birthmothers in closed adoption, especially from that generation and then you may realize that she (and obviously your husband) had very little choice at the time but to give the child up. Many of those women have suffered for years, and I suspect your husband has silently suffered, and his immediate refusal to consider possibilites may have more to do with his feelings of guilt, and a desire to protect you.
While I can't blame you at all for your anger in this... if understanding why the post is there can help you move on a bit, then that's a good thing. I doesn't mean you have to like it, or that you don't have a right to be crushed by this... you certainly do.
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