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Did you ask the woman how many children she's adopted lately??
Its beyond ignorant that someone would say something like this in front of the kids. One tool you have in your favor though is foresight. You know people are going to act like this and Im sure youve discussed it with your kids. So the next time it happens you dont even acknowledge the person in front of you, you turn to your kids and calmly tell them this is a fine example of what youve been talking to them about. And then show them, by example, that its your choice how to react to people and/or situations like this. We can not control how others behave, only how we react to their behavior. No one 'makes' us feel anything we dont choose to and once your kids realize that they will have strength beyond strength to tackle the bad, hard, and unfair things in life.
I also wouldnt tolerate anyone speaking to me like that in a business establishment. I would tell them once to back away from the table, and then I would revert to calling the managment, or security, or just getting up and leaving even if it means leaving dinner behind.
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