Originally Posted By
dramagirl316
>>I wondered after reading - perhaps your high emotions about birth mothers comes from being a mother yourself? You have a unique experience ... already having given birth to a child and experiencing all the "biological mommy" feelings. So I am wondering if your heart aches for the bmom's because you have been there ... and you know.>>
THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH...I could not for the life of me figure out why I was feelin so much distress about adoption...and youve nailed it...Girl, God has such a special plan for you life and you are fulfilling that plan as we speak...thank you Courtney for being a vessel that He can use to reach others....Last night as I was laying in bed and thinking about all that has happened in my life..I came to the realization that I was so very close to placing my son Allex the one that I had at 19 (he is four now)....I was so torn on what was "right" in everyone eyes...and i would ask myself.."What am I supposed to do" For the longest time while I was pregnant..i thought for sure I would not be able to even look at my child once he was born bc of the violent nature in which I had gotten pregnant..I had so many mixed feelings inside me..But you know when I had my baby boy..and I looked into his HUGE brown eyes...I was in love...gracious.. I was in love from the beginning but seeing him brought about a healing and a forgivness in my heart that I cannot explain...maybe it was his pure, innocent love..YES! That has to be it!...Remembering back to when I first saw him is, I guess, where all my anxiety about adopting is coming from...that moment when I looked at myself...because basically..he was a part of me...so there I was looking at ME...and I KNOW that every mother does that regardless of how that baby was concieved...That child is a very very vital part of who she is...regardless if he lives one day or a hundred- that love will never stop, never slow down, and for goodness sakes will never go away...SO to be apart from that love makes me sad...So inconclusion
)....there is no way that I will be a part of an adoption that isnt open or at least semi open..my child will know her mother that sacrificially carried her inside her body for nine months and gave her life...she will know that her mothers love for her was AMAZING....Ok another good cry for me...every time I post her I ball like a baby...hey Courtney..maybe this should be called "OPEN ADOPTION...THERAPY FOR YOUR SOUL"...
) I am already connected here...from my heart to yours...warm huggs...drama
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