Originally Posted By
Courtney
After reading your beautiful and heartfelt post I first want to say, "Don't ever apologize for your feelings!!" That's what this board is for - a place where each of us can "vent" or give thanks, or ask questions, or just simply find new friends to support ... so DON"T be sorry hon!
I wondered after reading - perhaps your high emotions about birth mothers comes from being a mother yourself? You have a unique experience ... already having given birth to a child and experiencing all the "biological mommy" feelings. So I am wondering if your heart aches for the bmom's because you have been there ... and you know. I think that your experience will someday bring about an amazing relationship with a birth mother ... and you will be able to "relate" like no other adoptive mother ever has!! Go with your feelings on this one ... don't hide them or think you're "strange" or "dramatic"
because these feelings, and your experience will bring enormous healing and growth into a future relationship with any birth family.
Also ... you said, "I don't want to be the cause of her hurt." I have to tell you ... a birth mother DOES hurt, for a very long time. But adoptive mother's are NOT the cause, unless they have done something to intentially hurt the bmom (like cutting off contact or mistreating them etc. which by the way goes both ways too.) So don't think even for a moment that you are doing something to hurt her! She will grieve, but that's normal ... it sounds like you will be there for her if she chooses that - and to be honest - WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I RELINQUISHED!!!!
Okay okay ... i've written a short novel here ... I just really want you to know ... Your doing fine - and it WILL get better. Your heart is in the right place.
my love and prayers,
Courtney Frey