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Originally Posted by fauxgina
My feelings are probably extreme, but I'm a little ashamed to admit that I agree with this sentiment. I don't want to have my own kids because I feel there are more than enough people on the planet, but I don't want to adopt because I'm terrified that my child would have the same issues that I did; I would not wish that sort of existence on my worst enemy. Of course I don't oppose adoption, but I don't think I could ever inflict it on a child (and, by extension, a birthmother). What does not kill us may make us stronger, but it would have been nice not to be in a situation that posed a threat to my health and well-being in the first place.
Note: I'm a bit bitter right now as I'm just starting to work through the emotions I've been feeling for so long. Since I can't let them out in the way I used to, i.e. acting like a child, I get very frustrated at other things and channel it that way. I do not mean to offend anyone with my post, just offering my admittedly pessimistic views, which will most likely change as I heal.
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FauxGina,
Through your efforts, I am at an extremely good place with my son now. I was at my wits end wondering how to help him with his emotions and the destructive mechanisms in place that are hindering him from a fulfilling life and from a relationship with me. Thanks to you and your PM detailing Verriers follow up book, Coming Home To Self, my son and I are at a good place to be.
Like yourself, there is so much bitterness, anger and healing to be worked through from both sides for us. As I've been going through an extremely difficult reunion and a son that has held back enormously, I'm pleased to be able to tell you that yesterday, I had the most fabulous email from him, which was so moving and so heartfelt in his trust for me, that I am not willing to share it with anyone!!!! simply because its so precious. That my dear friend, is due to you, because YOU made the effort to contact me and give me something precious. YOU have made a difference to us as a mother and son. I want you to take heart with that. I don't think I could ever, in my lifetime, get any letter that could match the one that was from deep within my sons heart ... I've been able to reach him and he trusts me and we are going to work through the book Coming Home To Self. I'm going to encourage his amom too, if possible with it, as its a crying shame that after 29 years she can't get anywhere near him and its those defense mechanisms due to adoption. Its no-ones fault, but Verrier lifts the lid off it and I could phone my son with confidence and say "I now know what is going on" - the relief for him, was enormous.
So I can say to you now, yes, the bitterness, the pain, its awful. But the triumph when you get there. I hope you will keep in touch with me and/or PM me, because again, thanks to you giving me seemingly an innocuous piece of information - the title of a book and the efforts you made to send some snippets of what is what about, has moved mountains. I wish the same for you. Love and (((hugs))) my dear friend. I hope I can be here for you. Very much so. Thanks again