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Originally Posted by kakuehl
I recognize that many birth mothers who place are quite young, but I'm finding myself resenting aparents who refer to "our birthmother" and seem to reduce her to child status and who appear to want to "mother/parent" the birth mom. Somehow it seems quite inappropriate to me (and frankly irritates me!).
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My DD's a-mom was like that, and I have to be honest when I WAS young and not having anyone there with me I liked it, it brought some comfort to me. But now that we are both adults, it is/was confusing to me. I feel like I wanted her to be that warm and motherly way to me now, because that's the only way I knew her and I'm not really getting that vibe.
True, it shouldn't have been that way in the first place but it's like now that she is secure and is DD's mom, it's OK not to treat me that way, KWIM? I know it's not intentional, and maybe it's because I'm NOT a kid anymore, but that's still how it feels to me, that now it's a whole new ball game.
I also think it lulled me into this security to place, which I think was dangerous in that I never felt that I had a right at any point to change my mind, even before the TPR was signed. I was a kid trying to please adults, I didn't want to let anyone down. I think that was unfair too.