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Okay - for you first moms... I wonder what I need to do, or maybe nothing... but help me understand.
First of all, we have a semi-open adoption ( no identifying info, but letters/pics/emails), and have no plans to open it up more. My son's birthmother is a beautiful woman, and we love her very much. We send letters and pictures and emails regularly. We promised monthly until she was one, then yearly, (that's what the agency had as normal then) but we have done way more than that. She does not respond very much, but when she does she thanks us profusely, and tells us how much she loves us and M and how much she loves the letters and pictures.
Last year, we were traveling to bmoms hometown by chance to be with some relatives we rarely visit, and suggested we meet her somewhere. She jumped on it, was super excited, we emailed several times a week until the day we met, she brought gifts for BOTH my kids, not just hers, - it was a wonderful visit. We clicked beautifully, both of us took lots of pictures, we talked like old friends, - we really like her a lot.
The day after we met we sent her a letter with pictures of the visit, asked how she was, etc. A couple of months later an email ...Later a Christmas card, A few months later an email simple how are you, here are a few more cute pictures... Then a mother's day card with pics. etc. over a year later, we still have not heard form her. Which is not totally abnormal, except that you'd think we'd hear at least a short 'enjoyed the visit" or "It was nice to see you M" to us or our son. Did she disappear off the face of the earth? What should we do? I don't want to be pushy. But she has mentioned (obviously over a year ago) that she'd be willing to open it up more, when we wanted to... then she never responds to any communication from us.
I don't need her to write every month, but it just seems wierd to hear NOTHING for so long, especially since there was her first visit... I understand a little time right after, but over a year? When I asked my husband why she didn't write back, he responded "Her heart is breaking." Which may be true, or maybe she just got busy, or ??? I don't know. M is 3, and dry spells are common, followed by "sorry I haven't written, it has been hard, but thanks so much for the letters." So I will never quit sending them. But we have never had a dry spell so long. If she is moving forward in a way that is healthy for her, then I don't want to interfere, but I wonder if there is something else I should be doing or writing. Part of me says to just keep loving her and sending occasional updates and telling her we love her, and let her write back in her own time. But another part is a little concerned. (She was about to get engaged, she said, and even brought him to the visit, and would let us know!!!) - but nothing. I don't dare ask about him, in case it didn't work out...
I don't know. Any thoughts? Thanks for letting me vent.
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