I talked to my mom, & now I know a lot more, not just about the people I was wondering about, but my very own adoption story!

I was originally not be adopted. I had begun to suspect this, partially because my adoption didn't go through till November (I was born in Feb.), and also because when I got married and had to change my name with Social Security, my bmom was listed as my parent, not my amom.

My bmom started out wanting to keep me, though she was 19 and lived with her parents. She started getting checks from the state since she was a low-income single parent. However, being young and naive, she didn't know these checks were specifically for rent only. Well, they found out she lived with her parents and the state told her she owed them months worth of money! They scared her into signing my adoption papers. She thinks they may have even been lining up adoptive parents for me as soon as they found out about the debt (but before she signed the papers). Well, she got home and had to tell her mom, and both were crying like crazy and her mom...picked me & my things up and took off!

She hid with me at her parents house while my grandpa tried to get them to revoke the papers releasing me for adoption. They said it couldn't be undone. I don't know exactly how that turned out, but the compromise at the end was that I was adopted by my grandparents!

I can't believe the state did that to her...pressuring a 19-year-old into adoption without even giving her a chance to talk to her family or anything! Yet I can believe it...since I've already read the story too many times here.

With my sister...my mom was pressured by her father (my adad). Basically told she was going to give up the child and that's that. Once again she was in the situation where she had no money. So, she gave her up for adoption, with many, many regrets. She even went to a legal office to see if there was any chance of her getting my sister back. But of course, no. But now, my sister requested to see our mom a couple years ago. But mom said no.

This came as kind of a shock to me, because I would go see her without hesitation. But it's obvious that my mom is afraid that my sister will hate her. She says she's not ready to face that. But given the fact that my sister wanted to see her, I highly doubt that. I don't know how to relay that to her...I tried to help her see things from an adoptee's point of view...how yes, there are many emotions, but generally if you feel hate you don't want to MEET them...maybe get medical records, but they could probably already have access to those because she was adopted by a friend of a family member.

I WANT to meet my sister. But I know I can't do it if my mom isn't ready to. What should I do? I'm thinking of asking my mom if it's okay if I request a meeting with my sister & I go meet her alone, then I can judge the situation so my mom can know what to expect, and if everything goes well, then she can meet my sister. Or would that be pressuring her too much? I don't know. I worry that since she did turn down a visit already, anger and hurt will be built up in my sister. I want my sis to know that it's not that mom doesn't care, and I want her to know that *I* care...I feel like I need to tell her that.

And, I have to figure out what to do about my bdad now that I have a little more info. I'm kind of on overload right now.