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Okay, forgive me for jumping into your forum - I am not a adoptee, but your thread hit a heartstring... You may not ever be able to be father "just the two of us, father and daughter, like we would have done had things been different way back when." But assuming you both want it, you CAN still create and nurture your father/daughter relationship. You can have a warm, loving close father daughter bond that grows and strengthens form this time forward.
And I have to agree with your thoughts about interference. Even if your husband is the perfect support in every way, I think it would be a huge boost to your relationship with your father to have some alone time with him. You need to get to know each other on a more personal level. (And time away from his wife goes without saying. Of course, if you are going to continue to strengthen your relationship, at some point you have to win her over, or at least be at peace with her. She IS his wife.)
You could plan a long weekend, go somewhere with a combination of things to do and quiet time. Maybe somewhere with an amusement park or something you'd both enjoy sharing. An old car show, or county fair (that's where my dad and I go). Somewhere you could take pictures, and reminisce about later. And where there are things to look at and talk about if conversation needs some help. Maybe even ask your husband to clear out one time your dad visits so you can be alone in your own home if you wish.
You deserve to have this relationship, and if you both want it, do what it takes to grow it.
Good luck!
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