A lot of things came to mind when I read your post, but perhaps we can start a dialogue and sort through some of the issues you mentioned.
I'll introduce myself by saying that I am a reunited first mother as well as mother to my adult daughter who chose to parent her baby without the involvement of her baby's father. So, my frame of reference includes being a grandma to a child from a single mom, as well as having surrendered my firstborn when I was 18.
I would ask you these questions:
What would be the different/better circumstances that would change your perspective from reluctant to thrilled?
What do you fear most with the current circumstances?
What do you include in your knowledge base regarding adoption issues?...books? counseling? personal experience?
Do you have a support system/network (friends, church, etc.) in place for yourself?
The situation you described is complex, and there are many perspectives. You'll get more responses from others on the forum, but I thought I'd just toss out a few questions to ponder as you're sorting through things. Not like you need more questions, but sometimes more questions lead to clarification of issues and possible answers.
Looking foward to hearing from you again...
Peace,
Susan
(first mother, in reunion)
