[princess_bakeneko]

Thanks guys, Like I said I totally understand wanting to keep birth order and all....but I felt like the people with bios weren't made to feel guilty for not wanting an older child...but those with IF were.

Foster-to-adopt is a huge leap of faith for us as it is...it is so hard for us to put ourselves us there with all the failed pregnancies and having to terminate the last pregnancy so late.

It seemed/seems like the agency is going to place a baby with a couple that has a 4 and 7 year old (bios)...but we're being told that unless we adjust our profile we will be old and grey before we see a baby/toddler.

The RAD issue iside, we feel like we have been cheated out of so much already. Our first US were we saw the baby move and heard the heartbeat - we also saw that his inside were hanging outside. And later appts showed a defect in the heart, then a defect in the spine, and a misshappen head - so with all our other losses being so early and then this - we never had a single moment of pregnancy joy. We'll never get a shower, send out birth announcements, see our baby sit up for the first time , etc.... We were ok with a toddler - had already "given up" on the baby stuff (adopted or bio). But then when they started with the much older kids, it was heartbreaking. (and yes, I know I know fostering is about the children not us) but still....we felt like asking for the first day of school, kindgarten graduation, tooth fairy, santa, learning to ride a bike, etc wasn't asking for TOO much. I mean people with bios already got all that stuff at least once...

Sorry if I'm hjk'ing this thread. My heart really goes out to those who have or are considering disruption. Two good things came out of our last pregnancy - my husband and I became even closer and I realized that you never know what someone else has been through or is going through, or what you might do in their same shoes. We were really beaten up over terminating our pregnancy, I know we did the right thing and that I'd do the same again. But wow, the people who made our life a living hell over our termination (of a baby which had no chance of survival past a few hours/days)........