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We have been home 8 months and we have the exactly same situation with our 4.5 yr (4.5!!!). It took a lot of work and we are only making slow progress, but it IS getting better. She has mostly gone #1 in the toilet, but #2 has been a struggle. However, she was diagnosed with severe constipation for which she is taking medication (very easy, powder that is mixed with water once a day, pediatrician told us it should be necessary not longer than 6 months or so). We are still in pullups, but ask her once in a while if she wants "normal" underwear and we do once in a while try them. She seems to feel more comfortable in pull ups. Here are the small steps we have made:
1. we bought a special potty and potty book (she loved this)
2. two months later she started to want to sit on a normal toilet and no potty book was necessary anymore
3. she started going #2 in the toilet but regressed on #1 for a couple of months again
4. as of late, she goes to the bathroom by herself after she wakes up, this is new and encouraging! Accidents are rare for #2 but happen for #1.
We talk to her a lot about being a big girl and trying to call when she wants to go, etc. etc. She is stubborn, so we do not pressure to much and give her time, but we see that she is getting motivated and is working on this. I hear some kids just potty train in a day, but this is not our case and we do not get frustrated about this - we know she will learn and give her time. Good luck!
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