[tiredmom77]

I have been desparetly searching the internet for some answers and help and I am praying this is the place. I will try to keep this short-

This issue is with my daughter, Nicole. She is 28 months old. We adopted her at birth, she had some prenatal drug exposure(pot and amphetimines, possibly alcohol). She tested clean at birth(as did birthmom).

We noticed that she was a very different personality right away from our son(also adopted at birth). He was (and is) a VERY easy child. We noticed right away that Nicole did not like to be held closely or really snuggled. For the first 6 weeks, she would only sleep in a bouncy vibrating chair with my hand on her chest. I tried rocking her to sleep, and we called her the pop up baby because she would not lay her head down, no matter what time it was. She liked to be facing out at all times. She cried alot and spit up alot(for a year), but was not treated for reflux because the ped said that since she was gaining weight, she did not have reflux. We noticed at about 8 weeks that she started banging her head on the mattress when going to sleep. When she could sit up, she would bang her head backwards on the crib to go to sleep. We tried everything to get her to stop, but hte ped said not to worry about it. She does not bang her head at any other time other than to go to sleep.

At about 10 months, she started stripping. At night and naps, she would take off all her clothes and take off her diaper and play with the poop, smearing it everywhere. We tried EVERY configuration of clothing there is, and she could take it off. I tried duct tape and she dug in the diaper through the leg. If the diaper was just wet, she would shred it and play with the gel. At times, we would find the poop or the gel in her mouth. We tried everything to get her to stop this- ignoring, making her clean it up, punishment, rewards, special treats if she left her diaper on, etc. We even tried giving her a cold bath everytime she did it(at the advice of a OT). Not thing worked. For awhile, she was doing htis everynight and each nap. We finally figued out to put zippered jammies on backwards with the feet cut out worked. I tried the other day to put regular jammies on and she did it again.

Nicole is a danger seeker. She seems to not notice when something might hurt her and she has no fear. She has run up to snarling dogs to put her hands in their mouths. She runs into the street. She tries to run down slides(some of this is getting better). SHe really does not do much slowly or gently. She runs into the furniture, jumps off anything, etc. She has figured out every single babyproofing thing we have- she can undo all the locks, climbs over gates, etc.

Nicole also seems to have some focus problems. She can't sit and read an entire book, even a short one. She also mouths everything, I can't get her to stop licking the cart at the grocery store. She LOVES her paci and won't give it up. She chews on her clothes and licks her brother. We have called poision control three times. I worry that she is not processing information well because you can tell her "go pick up that toy and put it in that box" and she was sweetly say okay and then walk away like you never said anything to her. She is not rebellious, alwasys says I am sorry mommy and yes mam, but it is like she does not get what we are saying. Right now, we are trying to get her to understand that she has to stay out of the bathroom. We have told her 1000 times do not go in the bathroom and we have put her in time out, taken stuff away, even spanked her and she says I am sorry, no bathroom, and 5 minutes later, she is in there.

The thing is, she is not like this constantly. We have good days and bad days. If she is occupied, she is okay. But if you take your attemtion off her for a minute, she gets like this. Some people that don't see us alot would never guess this, but our close friends know this is how she is. Some of them are not even comfortable babysitting because they are afraid she will get hurt because they can't watch her closely enough. Today, she took her dirty diaper off and put the whole thing in the toliet, then tried to clean her bottom off with her toothbrush. One time, she put alot of her clothes and shoes in the toliet and stirred them up with a barbie and told me she was making pasta soup. Last week, I caught her in the pantry eating mustard. I am so tired.

We took her to Early Intervention. The OT saw her for 6 weeks,(4 weeks in the gym and 2 weeks at home). The psychologst saw her twice. The OT told us that she thinks I am lying because she has not really seen these behaviors. I told her that I was not surprised, that she has been playing with Nicole for 6 weeks only and that in that time, all her energy is focused on her. She disagreed. The psychologist and the OT told us that they think it is a mental health issue and that they believe it is really more about us. The psychologst told us that headbanging and stripping is a sign of neglect!!! We were obvioulsy hurt and so confused because all other doctors we have seen(her ped, a neurologist, a play therapist and a private OT) has told us that this is a sensory issue. They said that her behaviors rule out autism(advanced verbal skills, pretend play, affection, social awareness are great).

Please- I just need some direction. In my heart I think that alot of this is sensory, but I am so confused now. I can take whatever it is, but I just need to know what is going on in her head. I don't know how to help her and at the end of the day, I just cry.

She is so great- she is sweet and loving and so stinking smart. She is stubborn just like me and so so funny. I love her so much so it was so hurtful to hear that they think we are lying about her and that this is caused by neglect.(BTW, they said that because we told them that if she does not nap, and is cranky, we might put her to bed by 6:30 instead of 7, and also we told them that we had to lock her door at night because she can open all the gates and the locks on the front and back door)

I am begging for any kind of advice about what to do now. There are no OT's on our insuracne that work with kids(but I am willing to petition them to cover someone). There is a year long waiting list for the developmental ped in town. We can't go back to Early intervention- they have hurt us so much.

I am also totally willing to hear that there is nothing wrong with her, that she is just a very active kid with some quirks.

Thank you so much.(sorry this was not short at all)