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The agency we went through is set up for expectant mothers and their families. They are upfront to us, as prospective adoptive parents that their priority is not to find us a child, but instead to provide counseling and resources to expectant mothers and their families. We - the pool of hopeful parents - are one of their resources, should adoption be chosen. They do not promise any length of a "waiting period" (might be a month, might be 10 years, depending on when an emom chooses us). They DO offer classes and counseling and help with preparing profiles, etc. to us, though. As well as do the homestudies and arrange the legal stuff.
That should be a deterrent, it would seem for aparent wannabes, but I find it comforting. I know that the birthmothers of my children were give good info, good counseling (pre and post-placement), and weren't coerced into anything. The agency is also non-profit (being through our church), so there is no financial motivation for them. (It is also cheap, relatively, so that works for us, too.)
I agree with what's been posted. I think there should be an agency, or liason, or advocate who is assigned to protect the rights of the birthfamilies, to make sure they have correct information and resources, and allow them the power to change their minds without guilt. Of course, in many instances, that would mean the cost would go up some, but I think it's important. I like the security of knowing that my children's birthmothers made the choice themselves, to do what they felt was right for them, not because they felt they had to, or that they had no other choice.
I remember a defining moment for me was when we were on our way to the hospital to pick up our son, and the caseworker called to say she'd talked with the birthmother, and everything was good. That we were to meet her and her mother at the hospital as she was being discharged, and leave with her (sparing lots of extra paperwork). Then she'd give us our son, and come in the next day to sign relinquishment papers. I said, "Wait! YOU'RE not going to be there?????? Then who's in charge?" She paused and patiently said, "The birthmother is in charge." Of course. It went beautifully, but forever pressed into my mind and heart that she was, indeed in charge of that decision. It actually brings me peace when I think about it.
Anyway, I think it gives a lot of security and peace, both immediately and in the long term, for ALL members of the triad, to know that all decisions were informed, well thought out and not pressured.
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