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What you really need to do is to advocate for a change in the laws of your state. For instance, in Kentucky, it is unethical for a lawyer to represent both the prospective adoptive parents and the expectant mother. BUT, IT IS LEGAL for an adoption agency to do this!! I could not believe it when I heard this, but yes, I heard right. I discovered this while sitting in a Continuing Legal Education class listening to a lecture by a Family Court Judge. After the lecture, I spoke with the Judge for a few minutes. I asked her whether she interviews the mother in private before she proceeds with the termination of parental rights. The judge said no, that she felt that this would be an insult to the mother, as she must have put a lot of thought into her decision, and it was not her place to question it!!! I explained to the Judge that there was sometimes/often a lot of pressure and misinformation given to these mothers, and that she should really talk to them privately so she can get a feel for their mental state and their level of understanding about what their rights were. This judge told me that she would think of our talk whenever she was in this situation and act with our discussion in mind.
As far as a mother having separate counsel ... here is a case I know of personally, where the adoptive parents paid for the mother to have legal counsel. They got her a TITLE attorney (an attorney who specializes in land deals) to represent her. This attorney didn't know ANYTHING about adoption and utterly failed to inform her of her rights. Luckily, this expectant mom reached out to a group I am a member of, and those members helped her find good legal counsel. She used that legal counsel to stop the relinquishment. Once she knew her rights, understood what was happening to her, and found emotional and intellectual support, she felt empowered to parent. I am very happy for her. So yes, having separate legal counsel is a great idea, but it needs to be legal counsel that has experience in adoption and is not hired by the adoptive parents or the agency.
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Isabo
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