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This topic I find to be quite interesting. In thinking about my life and my choices in my life and how that has correlated with my adoption and my feelings of being adopted, I guess I never really thought that adoption would or could be a trigger. I had a rough early start and was a RAD child. I wouldn't hug or show affection to my aparents for a very long time. I imagine it had to do with the neglect I suffered at the hands of my birthmother. (I was 2.5 when removed from her custody and 5 when I was finally adopted........3 foster homes later as well.) But I became sexually active at an early age. I believe this was due to the fact that I was searching for some sort of affection, whatever I could get. And that was a good way to get it. (Does that even make sense?) But I always felt that sex was a chore. Something I had to do in order for someone to "like" me. My bmom was sexually active at a very early age also. Although I knew that and vowed my whole life that I would be NOTHING like her at all costs, around age 14 I started being JUST like her, all that would seal the deal would to have a baby at 19. (I successfully avoided that, although I'm not sure how.) I believe that sex is an emotional connection. And women are more prone to making it emotional then men are. That's why a lot of men can have multiple partners and not think twice about it. And a lot of women end up heart broken when it doesn't work out. I believe that in order to have a healthy sexual experience, there has to be an emotional connection. Now, with that said, I believe that it is common for adoptees to feel rejected in different aspects of their lives. Sex makes us vulnerable (not just adoptees, but everyone.) If you enter into a sexual relationship, you open yourself up for rejection, much like any other relationship. However after having sex the fears of not being good enough, or not pleasuring your partner enough becomes an issue and possibly a fear. You may want to consider if you are avoiding sex to avoid rejection? Something to think about. I know you said you and your husband have a great relationship, but it could be a subconscious fear that you don't even realize. Like I said, just a thought. At any rate, I think counceling is a great idea in order to get to the core of this issue. It sounds like you are really concerned about it. And I must commend your husband for being so understanding!!! You have a great guy!!!
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