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WOW, very moving and powerful story, I am really glad you shared that. I have my good days and my bad days...And I think I am too reliant upon my empathy emotionally, so because my dd can "shut away" vulnerable bits of herself...I am mostly unable to "feel for her". Intellectually, I know what she is doing, but my emotions rely on that "help me" signal from other people to trigger my empathy and patience and kindness. Oh, sure I do the mom job well, and she's come a long way..but she's still so robotic sometimes..then I get detached again...The worst thing is to feel GUILTY about the bad stuff...You can feel sorry for it, and you can regret it, but beating ourselves up over it only MAKES IT WORSE. We are too beat up already to take any more of it.
And you know, the one thing I could never stand about some kids, is the biggest part of my daughter's personality, so I struggle with that too. And I know when she is older if I do my job right, it will be an asset, but right now it's really not. I used to have dreams that her and DH had been murdered in the night while they slept (not by me) And then when I woke up and realized it was a dream it would depress me more that it wasn't real.
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