[NMmama]

Hi. I don't post here much, but I read and I appreciate there is a forum to discuss these issues.

I hope I don't get flamed for my post. Please know that I am trying to reconcile my feelings not in any way disrespect my daughter's firstmom.

I adopted my daughter three years ago when she was 10 years old. It is an open adoption / relative adoption, as she is my husband's first cousin by birth. She was badly abused by her birthmother for the first 10 years of her life. I would like my daughter to have a good relationship with her first mother, but I have a hard time forgiving her. Before I adopted my daughter, I got along just fine with the firstmom. However, my daugher has scars on her body from the abuse and that has changed my feelings about the firstmom. She called today and talked to me and my daughter. To tell you the truth, it ruined my day. I have such a hard time when the birthmom says things like "I have been worried about ---(our daughter)." Part of me thinks, "you should have worried more about her when you were beating her." I know that is horrible and spiteful, but I am so angry that she hurt my little girl that way.

Before this becomes a novel, I just wanted to know how other people deal with similar feelings. Anyone?