Lara,
I've been following to see what you would decide. Did you decide to adopt the 18 month old? If so why hasn't he been placed? Sorry if I'm being too nosy.
Thought I would share some of my experience-maybe its too late
. We are foster/adopt parents who had our hearts broken one too many times and decided to go to private adoption and then were placed with our now 18 month old baby boy when he was 12 months old through foster care. Its been a journey with all of our foster children, most were toddlers. It is not the same as when we have had infants, totally different, but it is also very rewarding when you see real attachment. From my experience it really depends on so many factors from neglect, drug exposure, a bad foster home, personality of the child, etc. If you do go ahead with this placement/adoption I would recommend attachment parenting. It makes a big difference.
Wishing you peace in your decision.
L