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First of all, I want to thank each of you for your honest and heartfelt reply, I appreciate it. The story of this life goes like this: My former husband left for the 6th and final time when my son was 5 weeks old and my daughter 19 months old. He then went on to continue his life of petty crime and drug use (while we were married I paid for him to go thru drug treatment twice) He said he never really used hard or the "hard stuff" but it was an explanation for his lying and general "bum" lifestyle, which eventually caught up with him and he spent 7 years in jail for theft and deception and a series of other nonviolent crimes. That day he left was the last time he saw those kids until 8/02. The children have always known they were adopted, when they asked about him my husband and I were always honest, making sure to keep personal opinion and feelings out of it. They knew he was in jail and why he was there and they knew about the drugs and we maintained a very close relationship with my former in-laws and grandparents. My daughter had been asking a few questions about him after she turned 13 so I got out all of the pictures of him I had kept back for them and told them, as I always had, I can get word to him if and when you decide you would like to meet him and left it at that. I made sure they knew it was their decision, not mine and not his. When I saw him at our state fair I went over to my daughter and son and told them he was there and asked if they would like to meet him. My son's response was a very resounding "NO" but my daughter said she would like to. We went over to him and I introduced them and the 3 of us visited for about 30 minutes and I even took a picture of the two of them together. In a few weeks, he called her and she said she would like to speak with him and they talked about 15 minutes. We heard nothing again until almost Christmas when he called and I was gone so he talked to my daughter, without me, here about Christmas gifts and when he could see her again. When I came home and she told me about the conversation, I called him and we discussed his gift to the kids and my daughter wanted a cell phone and I had told her she could not have one, I want to know when and with whom she is talking. I also told him I did not feel comfortable with him being in our home and he could come and see the children for when I took them to have Christmas with his grandparents and his father. He shows up with a cell phone for my daughter and acted very surprised when I was not pleased with his git choice. He was always a very deceptive man being sneaky and lying and stealing and manipulating people for the sake of himself. My dauhter is 14 and is a pleaser, she is very much a follower and I don't want her to be influenced by a person that abandoned his family 12 years ago and now, that I don't even know. We have had a very difficult time with our daughter in the honesty department and she has a tendency to bend to truth to suit her needs. She is also a little academically challenged in the aspect that she can do her school work when she want to do it, not necessarily as it needs to be done. She is very active in school and church, she is cheering and has gymnastics class and student council and choir/play practice at church and there are already a lot of outside influences that I cannot control, I am not going to feed her to the wolves so to speek and just hand her over. She has a Dad, he is a little strict and they all (we have 4) have chores that must be done every day and extra things to be done in the house and on the farm to be allowed extra activities. We do expect a lot out of them and expect them to behave like good, honest, hard working people but only because we love them so very much. They are our entire lives and I don't want to put them in any danger. There are enough dangers in life just leaving the house. They don't need a parent that just lets them do as they please. My husband and I have always said, what ever is best for them. Everything we do is for their benefit, if I knew in my heart a relationship with their biological father would benefit them, I would support it. I just don't feel like at this time in their lives, they would benefit from his influences. I don't feel like I am being selfish or judgemental if I am then I need to be told. I am not saying I don't want them to ever know him, but I want to do this on the kids time table, when they are ready and it is what they want, not me and not him. Sorry this is so long but there is the story, tell me what you think!
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