We adopted Julia - then age 6 - from St. Pete in May 06. We had some issues while we were there, which we handled thanks to the advice of many good books and many sharing parents. Since we've been home, we have had only minor issues, and the typical misbehaviors of any school-age child. Bio kids aren't perfect either, and we have three of those, now ages 16, 13 and 11.
We spoke to dozens of parents before we made our first trip in 2/06, and of those, we heard two first-hand horror stories of older child adoption. One family was in Houston, one in San Anxtonio. What they both had in common - Neither family used the disciplines of an agency (forced attendance in scare-yout-out-of-it educational sessions), neither family read anything, neither family used an IA doctor to evaluate their referral and neither - at least it seemed to me - had two parents determined to make it work.....more like, "If this is what you want to do...." Both families started off all noble and high-minded about "saving a child," but I'm not sure either really wanted another child for another child's sake. Sort of like taking a cute little kitten and not thinking it's going to be a cat with claws and a litter box.
Do a lot of reading, and do a lot of talking with parents that have done it. One question I always asked was, "What would you do differently?" And I know it's worked for some, and God bless them - but I wouldn't interrupt birth order. It seems to jar the rest of the family too much, and you don't need them jarred. You need everyone to know who they are and what they are in theunit before you introduce such a huge unknown variable into the mix.
Our Julia - now 7 - is a treasure. Does that mean every day is roses? No. Matter of fact, right now she is having to re-adjust to the expectations of regular family life, after a week with grandparents. She is bright, loving, funny, eager to learn and a joy most of the time. Then again, she's human, and stubborn and determined to have her way with three older sisters....so let the games begin.
I am constantly amazed and a little annoyed w/the people who sweetly ask, "Don't you think she's grateful you adopted her?" Hello? No! Why would she be? And how many seven-year-olds do you know that are grateful for anything? She was happy in Russia. She's happy here, too, but she was happy there. She had a much smaller world, but she knew her place in it. We came and interrupted that. One day - when she has made it out of the child-like learning years and (shudder) out of the self-centered teenage years, she will probably look back and think, "Man, I'm glad I have a family now." But today - she's seven years old and what she sees is that her sisters want to watch "My Super Sweet 16" while she wants to watch Power Rangers.........."And that is not fair, Mom, that is not fair."
Older kids can and do fit into families. Absolutely! Just get yourself ready for it.
Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX