We don't have children with visible physical disabilities...just the invisible kind. LOL We didn't plan to adopt special needs, either. Funny how that seems to be a common thread running through many families who have adopted special needs! We had discussed adoption when we were first married, but as we lived in a travel trailer, then moved to a single wide mobile home which we remodeled...then moved again...well, we kind of put it off until 'we were settled'.
Additionally we had a surprise bio baby and my health was a bit fragile for awhile.
We finally adopted when we were contacted about a relative in foster care who was likely going to go on to TPR. We got the homestudy and licensing all done for that, and then weren't chosen as the adoptive family for that child. (Another relative was matched with the child.) Anyway, there we were with a crisp and fresh new homestudy and an equally shiny new foster license, so our adoption cw suggested that we consider adopting a waiting child from foster care. Sure, in for a penny in for a pound. Right? We were just very clear that we couldn't adopt a child with FAS/FAE, only minimal special needs, etc.
We now have 3, possibly 4, with probable FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder), one who had emotional stuff relating to neglect, one who had significant speech delay, one with SI stuff, and it looks like one or two may have some mild cognitive delays. Since it is the brain we are dealing with no two are alike, and the 'gaps' (hiccups, processing issues, whatever) are different for each of them.
If you'd suggested to me 7 years ago that I'd have 5 children, 3 or 4 of whom would have special needs (we're not sure about adopted child #4, but suspect alcohol), I would have laughed in your face! LOL Not ME! Ha ha, silly you! We were being careful and screening diligently so as NOT to adopt a child with FASD. Ah, but what did we know THEN?
I do think that physical issues are easier for me than emotional. The attachment stuff just wearies me beyond all bearing. We have two with mild attachment problems, and have fostered one with some more worrisome attachment problems as well. I don't think I'm cut out for parenting more than mild attachment issues! ...but then...I didn't think I was cut out for FASD, either, so what do I know?! LOL