[ticchick]

Originally Posted by mom2GRLC

I'm just curious what your views are relating to adoption and your child. I grew up feeling one way about it but now my views are changing some.

I am both adoptee and birth mother, but this is all coming from an adopted child's pov.

1) How do you explain to your child WHY they came to your family?
My parents told me that they got to choose me. They said that Heavenly Father knew my sister and I needed to be in their family but for reasons only He knew he brought us there by a different route, but that we were meant to be in our family.

2) how do you explain your eternal connection to them? How do you explain the connection their birthfamily has to them?
Our eternal connection was explained simply that we were sealed to them for time and eternity and would be together as a family. The connection my birth family had to me was simply biological and nothing more.

3) How do you explain the childs family history/family tree?
I consider my family's tree and history to be my family tree and history, as I consider them my true family.

4)Do you think being LDS changes your perspective on families or on adoption in general?
I'm sure that is probably the case, as we believe in families being together forever. In addition to that, my birth mother requested we be placed in an LDS home, and I did the same with my son. I think it is comforting knowing that an LDS home is so much more likely to be a good solid family home (though not always, I know) with good values and a lot of love.

5) Do you believe in destiny and that that child was meant to be in your family, or do you believe that life is more about choices and we choose our own destiny(with Gods help and guidance of course)?
I do believe in destiny and that a child ends up in the family he or she was meant to be in, although not always in the way we would want or think. I know my sister and I belong in our family. Who knows why we got there the way we did, but we did. My grandmother called my dad after receiving a message from the Holy Ghost saying "tell them to adopt twins." Then my dad told her how weird that was because they had just been offered twins even though they had been applying for one child.

WIth my baby I never really felt he was mine. I felt the entire pregnancy I was carrying him for someone else. Its hard to explain, but it was very strong. The day he was born I was really grieving terribly and my social worker called me and told me that the adoptive mother had just called out of the blue (not knowing they were being considered) and asked if everything was in order. When she was told it was and asked why she just said "I don't know, but I just have this feeling our baby is on the way." I can't tell you what that meant to me- it was like Heavenly Father was confirming to me that he was going to his true family and I felt such a lifting of my spirits. I think that is the one thing that has kept me from ever regretting my decision, was knowing that he was going where he was meant to go all along. And why through me? Perhaps I had some life lessons to learn through that experience. I am now 40 and have not had any other children so he may be my only one and I am more grateful then I can say to have had the experience even just the once, it was beautiful.

6) What do you think the birthmom/birthfamilies role should be in the childs life?
Personally, I guess I am from the old school. I don't believe open adoptions are a good idea for anyone. It keeps the bmother from getting closure and moving on and it seems like it would keep the child and aparents from truly bonding with that constant reminder of the bmother. I think its great to be able to meet later in life when the children are adults but I really don't feel very good about the open adoption fad that seems to have come into play. I have heard of stories where every year the mother and the child have to write a letter and it is just very stressful on both of them and that isn't fair. In my opinion I gave my son a family and he needed that to be his family without any interference or confusion from my presence in his life. (sorry that is one thing I guess I have rather strong feelings on,lol).

I'll have a bunch more questions but these are the ones I've been thinking of lately.

Any other questions feel free to fire away- you are welcome to PM me as well.