[sak9645]

Tawnya, you are giving great advice.

In many countries, children are placed in orphanages, but not fully relinquished for adoption because their families hope to come back for them. So while the orphanages appear to be full, there may be only a handful of children who are legally free for adoption.

In many countries, there is a bias against adoption, EITHER domestic or international. People who believe strongly in the "blood tie" simply don't understand that there are decent folks who would even DREAM of taking in an unrelated child and giving him/her all the rights of a homegrown child. They assume that if children are adopted, they will be used as servants or in the sex trade. So they actively discouraged adoption. This is true even in relatively prosperous countries like Japan.

Also, many people fear that children who are adopted internationally will lose touch with their birth culture. Even if you tell them about all the Sri Lankan communities around the world and the non-Sri Lankan families who will keep kids proud of their heritage, they simply won't believe it.

I remember being invited to spend time with some Russian and Kazakhstani judges who were brought to the U.S. by the State Department, so that they could see for themselves what was happening with Russian and Kazakhstani adopted children. They were totally surprised at how openly families discussed adoption -- it's a huge secret in Russian society, with women putting pillows under their clothes and pretending to be pregnant if they are adopting; they then go away, presumably to a hospital, and come home with a baby.

They were also surprised at how many of the kids were taught their birth country's language, taught to celebrate Russian/Kazakh holidays, music, crafts, etc., taught to be proud of who they were. Even those kids adopted by non-Russian, non-Kazakhstani families were totally familiar with Russian/Kazakh customs. It was really eye-opening. Unfortunately, all too few orphanage directors and government officials around the world have this sort of experience. So it is natural for them not to understand how Americans view international adoption.

In addition, in countries where there has been a natural or manmade disaster, federal and local officials have simply been -- and I hate to say it -- "too busy" to worry about orphans. They are restoring infrastructure like clean drinking water, roads, the food supply, police protection, and so on.

Unfortunately, there are also countries where adoption is technically allowed, but where there is tremendous corruption. Baby-buying and bribery are rampant. Neither the U.S. government nor ethical adoption agencies will allow adoption under these circumstances, which can result in the coercion of birthmothers and placement of children with unapproved families.

Of course, even if Sri Lanka were willing to allow international adoption, the recent disaster probably has destroyed a lot of things like birth certificates, which would be necessary for it to occur. The U.S., for example, requires all adopted children to have birth certificates, proof of their status as "orphans" under the U.S. Immigration and Nationality Act, adoption or guardianship decrees, etc., so that the government can determine that they qualify for immigration to the U.S.

Sri Lanka is not the only country in the world where there are many children in need of permanent loving homes, and yet where adoption simply isn't occurring. Very few countries in Africa, for example, allow international adoption and/or have a transparent process allowing it to occur. The situation is truly sad.

I would love to see ethical international adoption from Sri Lanka. The situation in the country regarding children's needs for permanent, loving families is tremendous. But since adoption is not feasible at this time, about the only thing an American can do, if he/she wishes to adopt internationally, is to pursue adoption from another country.

While Indian children may look a lot like Sri Lankan children, the Indian adoption process is not easy, either. The Indian government tends to give strong preference to Indian citizens, including "overseas" Indian citizens. Also, each Indian state has its own rules, and some states have a good deal of corruption.

The good news is that at least a few American agencies have Indian adoption programs that are somewhat stable and are managing to bring children to families in an ethical manner. These agencies are both licensed in U.S. states and accredited by the Indian government through CARA, India's Central Adoption Resource Agency.

But there are also other countries from which Americans adopt, sometimes a little more quickly and easily. Right now, for example, Americans are turning to Ethiopia and Vietnam, which have young children, relatively liberal criteria for parents, and a manageable time frame. China, always a stable program, has recently tightened requirements for parents and found time frames lengthening because there are actually more families willing to adopt than there are paper-ready children.

International adoption is a wonderful way to build a family. But for many reasons, when a prospective parent decides to adopt, he/she may have to explore several options before deciding on a particular country.

I hope that you will all be able to pursue your dreams of giving a home to a child in need.

Sharon