[Isabo]

Originally Posted by NicNic

Question for birthmom's and dad's...
Just curious...What kind of counceling/services did you receive from the agency BEFORE you looked at portfolio's of prospective adoptive parents? What were you told about open adoption? Was it accurate?

I received no counseling from the agency other than that adoption was best for my child, which was ridiculous. I was a middle class, almost 18 year old, all A student with a wonderful family, money in the bank saved for college, no history of ANY kind of abuse in my family, and no reason to relinquish other than shame. I heard from the social worker how men don't marry women with children, how my son would never have a father, and how I would have no future as a single mother. I received inaccurate information about my rights (I was told I had 6 months rather than 6 weeks to change my mind). I was given NO information about open adoption (which was a new concept), and I was not even given the option of a semi-open adoption. I was told that closed adoption (where I would NEVER see or hear from or about my child again) was best for my child. I was never told about the grief or loss that my child and I would experience, or how that grief and loss would increase over time. I was told I was mature for "choosing" adoption (not that I was so naive that I was easy pickings). There was no discussion about parenting options or where I might find support services for parenting. They didn't talk to me about making my decision after the baby was born. Instead, I was treated at the hospital as if the decision to relinquish was a done deal.

I was never given any choices about adoptive parents, and the adoptive parents that were chosen by the agency were people I would have NEVER chosen and were people that were and are completely different from my family. They are right wing religious to the point of crazy (I am a Christian, and I think they are WAY out there), they don't support higher education (my family is very supportive of higher education, and I have Bachelor, Masters and Doctorate degrees), and their ethics and family beliefs are very different from mine. They also have a history of mental illness in their immediate family that had a direct negative impact on my son's day to day life.

In my experience, the "counseling" provided by my agency to me as an expectant parent was not unbiased counseling designed to help me, as the parent, make an appropriate decision for my and my child. Instead it was "adoption is wonderful/aparents are saints" propaganda designed to heavily influence (coerce) me to relinquish. The agency also did not follow up with me to make sure I was OK, and they did not offer services to me after the relinquishment. They just closed my file and wished me Godspeed out the door.