[kim1986]

I was in foster care for the past 8 years of my life. 5 of those years were in a foster home where i was constantly told i would never be anything. They eventually got fired as foster parents. My father faught for custody of me for a year when i was 12 only to be diagnosed with kidney cancer 11 months later. So back to that abusive "home" i went. I have felt alone in this world since i was 10 when i went into foster care.

I am 20 now, i have a 121 IQ. I'm told that im beautiful by so many people. I helped a boy that had a tumor on his knee find a doctor who would help. I know I'm a good person, but I feel like the world has finially beaten me down to nothing emotionally and physically and i just want to die. I'm alone and starving, living in a college dorm trying to make a life for myself. I was 135 lbs a yr ago and now I'm 110. Sometimes when i havent been able to buy food, I eat whatever i have even if its rotting. I had some milk this morning and it made me sick but i was so hungry.

I'm starting to think that i might die and that maybe it wont be such a bad thing for me. Sometimes I just want to end the pain i go thru every day. I feel like no one cares. People tell me im getting so skinny but im too embarrassed to tell anyone bc i dont know anyone well enough to trust them. I just need someone to talk to. I'm so depressed. I cant remember the last time i was happy. maybe when i was 10. Someone please help me...