[kakuehl]

Gemini - I have the same suggestion that cnb makes: simply use the first initial of her name (or any other initial). As I read threads by adoptees who don't feel connected with their adopted parents, it saddens me. As far as I am concerned, D's parents are R & S. I don't expect him to ever call me anything except Kathy. My problem with she and her, for me, is that I have so often heard those terms used as (sort-of) proper names in a derogatory manner. My brother-in-law, for instance, refers to my sister as "she" is a way that does not respect her. Also, when you use all caps only for she and her, to me it shouts disdain. (That's problem with electronic media... you don't have facial expressions or tone of voice to help project emotion/intention.)

I am sharing with you, how I feel; I recognize that may not be your intention at all. ("Birth mothers" can be sort of touchy... some of us have been shamed and condemned by others over the years.) Language is always a problem. One thing I learned in seminary is that none of us speaks exactly the same language.