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We went through a similar situation with our son's older brother. I can tell you what happened with us and you can see if any of it will help you.
D had been in our home for six weeks when we realized somethng was seriously wrong. We went through 3 psychological assessments in addition to our weekly attachment therapy. During the time he was here, D spent a weeked in a crisis room at a local RTC and 10 days in the psych ward of the hospital. Every assessment we had done said D was not going to heal as long as he lived in the same home as his primary victim, J. What ended up happening was this...
We had a meeting at a local RTC with our CW, therapist and the psych you did D's final assessment. The recommendation was to remove D from the home and place him the RTC for a period of 18-24 months while doing family therapy with us, individual therapy with D and J and continue working with our attachment therapist for the eventuallity of D coming home. The county decided to remove D instead. We did not want to disrupt on D and it honestly never even came up in this meeting.
I think the cost of this placed a lot into the removal, but also we had all these experts saying neither boy could truely get better in each others presence.
After the dust had settled and J's adoption was finalized, I spoke at length with our CW about the county's decision. She said that we held on far longer than they ever expected once things got bad. That time though allowed them to get a true picture of D's issues and have the professional opinions needed to find the best palcement for him. Although they really didn't like having to separate the boys, it probably was the best decision for both of them. The key was though that we had 4 professionals all saying the same thing.
I wish I had some good advice for you. Lucy and Tybee have some great insight for you. You may need to stick in there for a while and start documenting, working with an attachment tehrapist and getting experts backing you on separating the kids before the county puts the kids ahead of policy.
Hang in there and put stuff immediately into place to keep the kids safe.
Blessings,
Jenny
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