[sunnyandi13]

I am absolutely heartbroken right now. I feel like I’ve been beat down and kicked in the gut. We had our staffing yesterday for S & N, wherein we expressed our reservations about N’s safety and the ability for S to heal while they’re together. We were trying to explore what temporary options we had for getting S out of the home for a bit to allow things to calm, her to get intensive help – all with the idea of her rejoining our family eventually with consideration of adopting them both. Our whole goal (and hope) was to get S immediate help and keep N in our home where he is progressing so well. This is what we were told…

S’s behaviors aren’t severe enough or have a long enough pattern for her to be in RTC. (What?! Two violent episodes in three months with a pattern over three years isn’t enough?!?) Policy says that a minimum of two “therapeutic” placements be tried before RTC is even considered. (Which means that S would have to go through two more families before they’d even consider hospitalizing / RTC for her, even temporarily!)

The siblings are not to be separated for any reason. “In the past, the Department has made some mistakes separating siblings too quickly. In this case, we need to try another placement, preferably therapeutic, before we will even consider separating them.” Since TPR is just around the corner (late July and certain to be granted), they want them in a pre-adoptive home as soon as possible.

If we cannot accept S for adoption with N by the trial date, they will begin recruiting other families to take both children together. Only if S has another violent episode, will they consider placing her in the hospital for 10 days, during which time they will transition her and N to a therapeutic home. In other words –it’s all or nothing – take them both, or you can’t have either one.

When I asked them point blank about N’s safety and our concerns over being charged for neglect / abuse if she injures him the next time we were told “Let’s not borrow trouble or worry about what might have happened to other families in similar circumstances, we need to focus on these two children. If you have that much concern over your ability to control S and keep N safe, then we need to remove the children immediately and place them in a therapeutic home – if you can’t handle them as a “basic” foster home.”

HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO HELP US RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?!?! Her new therapist (the one I initially had such reservations over) has turned out to be our biggest advocate in getting S help. He’s even exploring the possibility of getting S into a crisis stabilization unit for 1 – 2 weeks to get the psych eval done now and explore what, if any, medications might assist with S’s sleep difficulties and mood swings where she can be observed for affects. This would also give me and DH a much needed break to step back and really examine our feelings about adoption for these two. At this point, we’ve agreed to keep them in the home for now while trying the intensive therapy 2x a week and starting in-home services 2x a week. However, once TPR is granted and the case is moved to an adoption worker and not case worker, we will be forced to make a decision.

Just how is it in N’s best interest to be uprooted from our home, where he is starting to attach and is making real progress, and dropped into another home with his abuser?!?!

How are we supposed to make an informed decision about adoption in a little more than five weeks, when we waited for six months for therapy and still don't have even a diagnosis?! Five weeks is barely enough time to get her psych eval done (scheduled for 6/27), much less trying any medication (appointment 7/3). And right now my DH's and my own heart and psyche are so wounded and emotionally exhausted… I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, we keep putting one foot in front of the other and hoping against hope. Our world is falling apart and this is the help we get!