Thanks for the replies! First, I agree that it would be best for the baby to know her parents. My concern is more toward the baby and her development. I feel that I am adopting the baby for the sake of the baby and not simply to help her parents out. (I admit there's definite history and baggage on my part regarding the parents.) But I do agree that they deserve to have pictures and know how she is developing. I am open to them seeing her, if and only if, they can bring something positive to the process.
I also agree that adoption should be the last resort. However, in my case, there are a number of reasons why I am not trying to help them to keep the baby. First, the baby is in the custody of the state and that alone takes that power out of my hands. Secondly, both parents have drug problems. I can and have encouraged them to get and remain in help. I just can't force them to change. They also have made life choices that are pretty negative. The baby wasn't just snatched away from the mother. She was given a couple of opportunities to care of her. The state put the mom in a very good program for single moms that provided parenting classes, urine checks, job training, guaranteed housing after program completion, etc. She refused to follow the guidelines of the program. The director of the program found that she wasn't taking care of the baby (i.e wouldn't bathe her, wasn't washing her clothes, was giving her spoiled milk, etc.).
Furthermore, for both her and my brother, everything that happens to them is always somebody else's fault. When she knew that the state was coming to take the baby, she called me and asked if in the event that the baby was taken from her would I take her. I was clueless about was happening and reassured her that they wouldn't just take her baby away. So really, SHE asked ME to take the baby. At first, I was just the guardian. The state gave her three months to try and get it together on her own. She flat out told them that she didn't need any programs. At that point, they switched the option to adoption. They assumed that I didn't want to adopt her because she was family. If I hadn't stepped in she would have already been adopted by someone else and neither one would know where she is. I am not saying this to toot my own horn. You just don't know the headache and heartache that this whole process has been for me. No one more than me had hoped she would come and take her daughter and raise her well. She's a beautiful child! I have no children (by choice) and was enjoying life (and still am).
Don't get me wrong. They are not completely terrible people. They just are not willing to take the responsibility for this child. It gets more complicated. The mother has decided to contest the adoption. (We got to court tomorrow.) She now understands that I do not plan to let her come and take the baby whenever she wants. She doesn't necessarily want to raise her. I think that she wants me to adopt both her and the baby. That I cannot do.
I hate to be so long on this note but since you asked....
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