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Absolutely not.
The fact that she is even talking to you at all - after he requested she not - should show you that she has nothing but respect for you. She is being kind and considerate of you, there is no reason to think you were spoken of in an unkind manner.
These are questions you will need to discuss with him some day. It is just not her place to be in the middle of you two. He may feel very violated by this invasion of his privacy - if i were her I would not jeoparedize my relationship with my child.
As for the immediate family....Yes you are a birthmom - that does not automatically make you immediate family. You are not an active member of your sons life, and he has asked that you not be. I completely agree with the amom's decision to keep it amongst them until your son is ready to talk to you about these matters.
Until that time, come here and find support. There are many people on a similar path and perhaps you can find comfort in their friendship.
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