[Stormster]

The woman who's child we are hopefully adopting is very anti-open adoption and even wary of any level of contact with her child. Actually this has happened to us twice.

The first time, I was really pushy and sent all kinds of literature about why open adoption is good for the triad but particularly for the birth mother and for the adopted child. I felt very sure that if she knew more about it, she would agree with us but if anything, it pushed her away.

Now we are in a situation with a woman who is convinced it is confusing and unhealthy for the child. But really, I think in both cases, it was the mothers who did not feel emotionally ready to make that choice.

I kind of know the answer to this in that from now on I'm going to leave it there on the table for future discussion. This woman does want photos and hopefully will stay in touch with us because of that.

But I've learned a lot and do feel that the child who will be our adopted son should know his mom (esp. because she is so wonderful!) and it would be best for his emotional well-being to have some relationship with her.

So blah blah sorry here's my question:

If a woman placing her child does not know more about open adoption, what is the best way to let her know why it is a good option, possibility whatever...I feel like if I do nothing, both the child and the mother are going to miss something but if I "preach" which is what i feel I did in the last situation it just makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

I sincerely do not want a closed adoption. I do not consider sending photos anything like an open adoption. I can't force her to be involved but how do I let her know how important it is to me before she's even given birth and decided with certainty that she wants us to raise him?