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[ Understand too, that once you adopt transracially, you are forever a 'non-caucasian' family. Your eyes may be opened to experiences and situations you'd never noticed before; people may stare; people will undoubtedly make assumptions about you before even knowing you (good and/or bad). These are all parts of what being a transracial family means.
If you aren't prepared to abandon any family or friends because of their racist attitudes, then I think you should seriously re-consider adopting in this way. You won't be the first couple to do this, and certainly not the last.
If you aren't willing to throw aside any individuals who might be in the way of this, then re-consider and adopt children who might be a better match.
These are such true words. As a Transracial Family you are in public eye ALL THE TIME. We've had our twins for 2 1/2 years and not a week goes by that someone is talking to us. When we made our decision to become a transracial family we lived far away from our own families where we had had some comments made... i.e. "your not adopting a foreign child?", and lived in an area which was much more diverse. For economic reasons and to give my parents a chance to be grandparents, we've moved to a location which is diverse, but doesn't have the same attitudes about diversity. I notice such a difference... my daughters where oooed, and awwah, and now along comes..."Where are they from?" often giving a feel that they don't "belong." Our diveristy has brought up adoption and in front of the girls, came comments..."How can someone give up such beautiful babies?" When you "match" these will be much less in your life.
We learned very early in the adoption process that it is OKAY to click the boxes for a CC child only. You do what's best for your family. It the gparent is going to be around all the time you do have to think about it. We face with my in-laws a definate (never overt) a prejudice towards the bio grandchildren. A picture of all the boys in the family (all bio gchildren are boys), my girls given junky gifts, while the boys are given toys. Despite the words... there cute, etc... we just observed my in-law traveling to see the newest grandbaby, and we live 1 1/2 hours away, and they say it's too much traffic, etc...
So... we are distancing ourselves each month, yet I see it in my husbands eyes. He wants his parents (in their late 70's/early 80's) to have the joy he has with his daughters and excitement they show for the other grandchildren to exist as well. There is just a bit of sadness and I know it will always be there.
So... think careful.
darene
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