[kakuehl]

Sally, I reunited with my birthson at when he was 33. He has said that had I found him when he was 18 or even 25, he would not have been open to a relationship. When his parents told him I had contacted them, his dad says he expressed more emotion (negative) to them about his adoption than he ever had. He has not said anything to me, and I often wonder what he really thinks (feels).

Try to look at some of the positives:

First, no doesn't mean never (it may, but it may not!)

Second, you that he is alive and well and you can find him (and view his work... and marvel at the nature/nuture combination).

Third, he can find you if he changes his mind.

Fourth, you can/do have a relationship with his amom. Like the others, I think she has the right to choose to continue to talk with you.

When we place our children for adoption, there is no way we can be prepared for how it will effect the rest of our lives. I used to liken it to a wound that healed over and developed scar tissue. Sometimes the scar is more sensitive than others. (Sometimes the wound is reopened!)

I would suggest that you write him a letter and tell him what you've shared with us. You don't have to send it, but write down everything you want him to know. You may find the act of writing helpful. You could give it to his amom to share with him when she thinks he's ready.

Hang in there: we talk about reunion as a rollercoaster - life after adoption can be that way too.