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Have you thought about seeing a therapist for yourself? Even if you don't have insurance, I've found that if you look hard enough you can always get some help at a church or free clinic. And I hope that posting at this site will help you too.
I think the advice about finding a way to wait is good. I hope that you can get some help while you wait through this time and realize that what you did is honorable, it sounds like you gave him extraordinary and loving parents. I have a niece that we are adopting. The mother is having her rights terminated involuntarily. I have come to have enormous and deep respect for those people that have made hard decisions to put their children first. You should be very pround of yourself. It doesn't sound to me like you made a mistake in any way. When he has children, he'll begin to see that. And, sadly, being a mother of any kind involves hurt and pain.
Amy
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