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Hi Sally, I am going to bump this up for those who may have better advice or words of wisdom for you than I do. I am an adoptive mom and my heart aches for you. Although I can't know the pain you are in, I can empathize with what you are feeling.
The only thing I can say is that maybe he needs more time to come around - you getting in touch with him may have been a shock. He may have some feelings of anger that he needs to work through first, before he can contemplate a relationship with you. Please don't feel like this is the end of line - it may only be the beginning.
Thoughts are with you...
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Mom to bio dd - age 16 - 
Mom to adopted ds - age 10 -
Waiting to adopt #3 from South Africa
December 2005 - Began Homestudy
May 2006 - Homestudy approved - 
June 2006 - Profile in South Africa
July 2006 - waiting for a referral!!!!!!
Nov 2006 - Referral - it's a boy!!!! 
Dec 27th - leave for SA! the countdown begins....
January 22nd - Home in Canada with new baby boy. 
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