Hi there,
I'm a foster mom and a waiting adoptive parent through LDSFS and thought I'd put my two cents in on a logistical level (as you certainly have the spiritual side of things figured out
).
One thing to examine closely is the fact that the baby is in foster care. Because the baby is still in foster care, the parents will have to do an "identified surrender" identifying you and your husband as adoptive parents for their child in order for the baby to be able to be adopted by you. If her parents are still trying to regain custody of her, you would only be able to take her in as a foster child until the state files TPR ("Termination of Parental Rights). Theoretically under ASFA, the parents have 15 months to get their act together from the time the child is in placement (not necessarily consecutively) until the state is required by law to file TPR. I'm probably getting too in depth here but long story short, you'll want to find out definitively what the baby's legal status is before proceeding any further as it may not be as cut-and-dry as deciding whether or not you want to adopt her or not. (Forgive me if I'm covering something that you already have figured out!)
On an emotional level, you are right to think about the potential emotional ramifications of multiple foster care placements and you would be wise to investigate various forms of attachment parenting techniques for this baby and your family. The baby might easily adapt to a new home...or she could take a really long time to attach...it's something that is really difficult to call.
Having said all of that, if after considering some of these tougher questions you feel in your heart that it's worth a shot, you have your answer.
I don't envy your position. We have been in vaguely similar situations and it is so hard to say no when: a) you want a baby so bad, and b) you want to give a great home to a child who might not otherwise enjoy an eternal family.
You're certainly in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you clarity and peace in your final decision
Jennifer
__________________
Apr 2004: Licensed for "fost/adopt"
May 2007: Foster-Angel #2 arrives..it's a girl
Oct 2007: Case plan changed to adoption
Dec 2007: Case plan approved!
June 2008: Guardianship granted!
Now: Adoption application filed/waiting out appeal period