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I would never give Social Services a reason to say I wasn't trying to bond with my kid. And I agree with you that if you said, "He is going to be horrid, it's hurtful to me, and really, not a therapeutic experience for him, to practice rejecting me, " which is 100% true, they would not get it, and they would hold it against you. Will this visit be unpleasant? Almost certainly. You still need to go. Let's make plans on this thread about how to make it less unpleasant.
1. At least part of the day has to be spent with Shorty, and Social Services cannot make a legitimate argument that you are wrong to give attention to your daughter. Sadly, with attachment affected kids, Mother's Day is going to be a gamble whatever their age, but it's a good sign that she's excited about the day. So, you can get your tank filled up with her.
2. A plan should be made for the recovery from Mother's Day. If it were me, I would go directly from the visit to a day spa or to a movie theater showing a funny movie or to a swimming pool.
3. A plan should be in place for all the ways he can make Mother's Day horrible.
Example: "You aren't my real mom. I wish I had another Mom."
Okay, so what' the response to this one? There's the Love and Logic standard, "Thanks for sharing." A response that occurs to me is, "Well, apparently God disagrees with you, because He put us together. And, as you know, God calls the shots." I bet the longsuffering parents on this board can think of lots of good comebacks. I don't have a lot of experience with this one, because my oldest doesn't have it in her to express herself this honestly, but that is what she's thinking. So I know the icky feeling.
Example: An empty glare of contempt. (I have a lot of experience being on the receiving end of this one, no fun.) Perhaps you could take this as your cue to daydream of happier things. I would maybe silently plan my summer vacation, or which spa treatments I'm getting after the visit, or I don't know, you're a Bible study girl, maybe you could recite Psalms in your head while he's doing that. Whatever you need to do to check out.
Example: violence. This is your get out of jail free card! I would say that in this instance you leave immediately. More time for spa treatments!
Maybe a mantra would help? Something to say in your head the whole time you're there?
Keep in mind that we're all behind you. You're not alone. And there's chat on Tuesday! Hey! Could we organize a Sunday night Mother's Day chat? I think that merits its own thread. That could help a lot.
Hang in there!
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