[mandht]

I'll try to make this short and to the point.

Past: My Dh and I became parents to the best boy in the world two years ago. Connor's birthmom and I spoke almost daily for almost 4 months before he was born. She and I spent Connor's first night together in the hospital room with him. I was there when his birth grandmother and great-grandmother came to the hospital to meet him. My husband drove the two of us while we followed the ambulance carrying Connor to a Children's Hospital (he spent 9 days and is fine). I can not express in words how much I love her and we pray for her and her family each and every day. When we had to leave 3 weeks after Connor's birth, we met one last time to say goodbye and have a beautiful picture to give Connor, in the future, of the two of them together. When we left, she reiterated she did not want any contact and if Connor wanted to contact her later on in life, that she wanted me to reach her first so that she could let her family know (she has 2 other children). Of course, whatever she wanted I would agree to.

Current: Although it has been hard not to reach out to Connor's birthmom, I have respected her wishes. Last week, I received a call from birthmom's best friend - no message was left. I called back when I noticed the missed call (3 hours later) and left a message. Her bestfriend called me back and we chatted for 21 minutes. I was thrilled to get an update on everyone but was very saddened to hear how Connor's birthmom was doing. She no longer see's her daughter - who is now living with her dad. Her son's father had him removed from her - which broke my heart. Her son was her life and she told us if she hadn't spent so many months alone with him she would have asked us to be his parents as well. I was also told she was involved, for a period of time, with a guy who was doing crack. She was arrested for fighting with someone and lost one of her two jobs. She now has pins in her knee and is still recuperating.

Question: I was asked to send some pictures of Connor, which I readily agreed. (I again cannot tell you how much I love Connor's birthmom and her family and best friend - they were all so good to me when I went out to visit and when he was born). When I told my husband, he was not as enthusiastic. He believes we should not share the pictures and that it may depress Connor's birthmom (who btw, is young enough to be my daughter). I explained her best friend (who is my age - mid-40's) is wise enough and told me they were solely for her and she would only share them if Connor's birthmom's ever asked about Connor. I also trust her maturity and know that she was there for Connor's birthmom. She wants to see how happy he is and a picture of us as a family. I went through all our pictures and settled on 20 (it was tough). I am ready to send them but out of respect for my husband I thought I'd come to you. The feedback I've received in the past from you has always been helpful. Now I reach out to you again for your thoughts. (sorry ... in the end it wasn't so short).

MandHT