[DianeS]

You may want to check into whether or not DFS would have remained in the child's life unless you adopted her. If she were a regular foster child, unrelated to your husband, I know DFS would. I'm not sure how it works when she's in a home with one biological parent, but it's something to look into.

Also look into what laws are in place to decide the child's custody should your husband have died or become incapacitated. Without adoption, you would not have been a legal parent, and even if it were in your husband's will that you raise the girl, the courts do not have to abide by that request. (Especially if someone like a paternal grandmother tried to get the will overruled and the child placed with her...)

My point is, regardless of whether there is a law or not, by adopting her you were most likely safeguarding your new daughter's right to be raised by the people she considers father and mother - without official interference and regardless of what happens to either of those parents. So if there is not a law requiring that, maybe there should be.

(And if you don't mind me saying so, your husband should tell his mother to butt out. And he should take steps to be sure the child never hears such thoughts from anyone! Family members who believe people adopt from any motive other than loving the child and wanting the best for the child cause no end of trouble...)