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Originally Posted by quantum
I guess my biggest fear is that they'll be afraid that I'll relinquish them as well.
It's hard, I'm sure your firstmom doesn't mean things to be hard for you, it's probably just easier in some ways for her not to say anything.
Have you told her that you've been feeling the pressure that they feel you've abandoned them? Maybe she hasn't thought about that aspect.
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Yes, we have had the discussion about how this all makes me feel. She is totally aware of the pressure that it is putting on me but feels helpless to address it! It is definately a situation where it is MUCH easier for her to do nothing. She says exactly what you said, that her greatest fear is that the youngest ones will feel that they could be abandoned as well. I get that. I don't know how to "fix" it and I certianly do not want my little brother and sister feeling vulnerable... even if it means making things harder on me. I told her that if she truly feels that the children would be harmed by filling in the gaps of the adoption story, at this time, I don't want her to do it.
But I guess, I don't think it would be as bad as she thinks it would be... and dark secerts have a way of coming to light! I sorta want her to take up for me on this one instead of "abandoning" me to solve it myself! Plus I am concerned that my little brother and sister will be angry AT ME when the whole story finally does come out! That they will blame me for not filling in the gaps rather than feel like it was mom's job to explain the whole truth. Again, I think that the responsiblity of making things right is going to fall on me!
If it were up to me, I'd sit them down and start from the beginning with as much of the story as is age appropraite but my firstmom has made it clear that she does not want me to fill things in for them. I feel trapped between my loyalty to her and knowing that they will likely hold me responsible later on...