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Originally Posted by KarenSo
He seems to have some attachment issues to, when he gets mad, he hits himself and runs from us. He will NOT run to us. We try to cuddle him when angry or sad and he wants none of it. He wants to hit himself, throw things and hide in a corner. It's so sad. We do pick him up and hold him and try to let him see we are not mad at him and that we are going to love him and cuddle him. It's so crazy that he is so young and so full of problems.
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Just a thought...we had the same problem with our eldest son, who was adopted at birth, and it started around 16-18 months. Whenever he got mad he would throw himself down on all fours and repeatedly bang his forehead into the floor. It scared the living daylights out of me, but I learned it is pretty normal for this age, especially when their lives are in transition (we were going through a move from one state to another...DH was living in the new state already and we stayed behind to sell the house...then we lived in corporate apartment for 2+ months...then moved to the new house...lots of change for a little one!).
As far as handling those angry tantrums, the advice I read was to just walk away and not give him any attention. This was the opposite of what I'd been doing, because it terrified me to see him about to bust his head open - it was all hardwood and cement floors! So when he started the head-banging I would walk into the next room. Then when he started crying from the pain I would come back and say, "I'm sorry. I know you are mad, but that is not the way to show it. You can tell me you're mad instead of hurting your head."
I also learned that I needed to transition him, i.e. give him notice ahead of time what was coming next..."In 10 minutes we're going to go take a bath," or "You can throw the ball 3 more times and then we're going to go inside." His outbursts, in particular, seemed to go hand-in-hand with having to come in from playing, or stop playing to eat, or go somewhere he didn't want to go...and up until this point he had been the most cooperative little fella you could imagine.
Within one week of using these two techniques, the head-banging completely disappeared. Part of the problem is they are too young to verbalize, so they show their anger/frustration/emotion through physical means. You might even try sign language with him...I believe it really helped Sam to realize he could communicate with us before he could form the words with his mouth.
Good luck...I just wanted to offer a suggestion that while this hitting himself thing may be an attachment issue, it might also be just that normal "frustration" stage they go through while searching for some control of their environment and while learning to communicate.
Cate