Hi Melissa,
My comments are sincerely aimed at resolution of your situation for the benefit of all, especially your son. You have made contact and that cannot be undone. IMO, it does no good to debate whether or not you should have made contact or should have done it differently. I also agree you have rights.
That said, I have a couple of thoughts. Have you parented a teenager? Early teens is a very tough time for any child, especially for adopted males. None of my children were prepared to make many life-changing decisions at 14. A first contact letter is not a minor event.
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at fourteen he is his own person and at fourteen should be able to make a basic decision like reading a letter I wrote
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The questions quoted below are, I believe, the most important questions. It is extremely important for you to try and find out why they have responded the way they have. There may be more to this story than what seems to you to be their desire to abuse and disrespect you. Because your greatest desire is the welfare of your son, then you owe it to him to get all the facts and to work very hard to build a relationship with the aparents. How well do they know you? I am not excusing or accusing their actions. I dont know enough to do either. If necessary seek the help of a professional.
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I am not understanding why they answered my ad, yet want me to go away, this was in the first email. Why did they not just ignore me? I feel/felt very abused and disrespected. I do have rights too.
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If it is 'him that matters and not me', his parents consent and cooperation are required. Hopefully, you will have a relationship with him the rest of your life. Any effort you put into building that relationship will be worth it.
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With or Without his parents consent, for it is him that matters not me
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ADad