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MB:
I completely understand. We have adopted eight times----five babies, three older children (through the system) in two separate adoptions.
Two of the 'older children' have been disrupted; and the third has been living in residential facilities for years due to dangerous behaviors. He can't live in a traditional home; and neither could the other older child who's adoption was completely 'reversed'.
Bottom line actually, all three have not 'worked out'. It took years of trying through different therapies; crying to counselors to try to get a grasp on what their issues were and literally wiping us out in order to protect the other children from two of them. We'd never adopt a child over the age of 12 months again.
But, we went back to private agency/attorney adoption. We now have three little ones in our home and alas, the home is safe, normal and a joy to live in.
The attitude that Diane speaks of, is true. Additionally, some areas are incredible jerks about reversing an adoption, because their feelings are that 'when you adopt, you should be glad for anything you get'----EVEN when that means fraud was used. I can't agree. There are some children who simply cannot be adopted in traditional homes. There are some children who are too dangerous to have with other children; and there are some children who have such intense needs, they literally need round the clock, full time nursing care in order to keep them safe.
Don't give up hope if you have to disrupt this adoption. There is light at the end of the tunnel; and if you've done your best by this child, no one can (or should) fault you for simply wanting a 'normal' child to care for.
Please pm me if I can be of any help. We've BTDT enough times, I think we know the 'maps' by heart (unfortunately).
Sincerely,
Linny
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