Stephanie I agree with the others in that you should set up some limitations, but I don't think you should present them to her as that. You should talk to her about how you feel about it and what you would be comfortable with, but try to take her emotions into consideration as well. You are under absolutely no obligation to allow her to take your child anywhere...especially if you don't often make those allowances to anyone else. Don't offer her extra-special treatment simply because she thinks she deserves it. I totally agree with Mikey in that if she wants some special alone time with your child a bedroom or backyard visit should be just fine.
I hate to say it but I think you're very right to think she only wants a relationship with the baby and not your entire family. It's just really hard for her to accept you as the baby's parents. In my situation, my baby's birthgrandparents wanted to raise the baby as well so I can relate to that. The aparents have made it quite clear they are uncomfortable with them because they don't accept them or respect them and are being really troublesome as well.
I think that you should expect the birth grandparents to be upset ...it's hard on everyone, especially them with wanting to raise the child. As for being so open hurting her more? I definitely don't agree with that. She's just upset and sounds like she needs some counselling in accepting that you are her grandchild's parents. With her being teary at visits - that's just as normal as you feeling insecure. It's all a part of this painful process.
I definitely can't go without commenting on Moira's first reply to this post. I don't even know where to start...I almost completely disagree and was a little offended by everything in that reply.
For you to assume that there must be a "real problem" in that birthfamily for the bdad and bmom not to WANT bgrandma to raise the child was presumptuous and unfair. I certainly didn't want his parents to raise my baby even tho they wanted to, SIMPLY because they were HIS parents...not my baby's. They've raised their children already. It's quite likely that was the case in this situation as well.
If you're having an issue with b-g-grandma - let her know there's an issue before just "putting an end" to visits.
I don't understand why it would make you sick that grandma brings him gifts when she comes - if her son had kept the baby she'd probably do the same thing. Stephanie if that does bother you tho then it's your right to let her know that.
"It's hard growing up with negativity ringing in your ears"...Great-grandma should be made aware that these comments are inapropriate..not banished from all communication because she's (likely) unaware of the impact of her words. What would you suggest telling the child when he asks one day why grandma's not allowed to come over?
Stephanie I think that the first mistake that you made was asking for advice in how to handle HER (bgrandma) as opposed to how to handle the situation.
Moira - i really don't mean to offend you at all. I was just really surprised by your words and had to express to you how I feel. I definitely don't want you to feel as tho I was mocking you either..I just had to quote you to be more clear. Also, I feel sorry for you not being a trusting soul. That's definitely a detrimental attribute and makes communication so much tougher...especially in situations such as these.
.
|