Thank you all so much for the advice and/or comments!
GenXMum: Thanks and you are sooo correct! I guess I do need to make some boundaries that we all can live with. I guess I just imagined that we would all be friends, but I get the feeling that she wishes that we were not in the picture. She acts like she does not want to have a relationship with us as Ben's parents, just with Ben. Does that make sense?
mikey: Thank you, I guess I just want Ben to know his birthfamily, both sides...but that doesn't mean that she has to take him out somewhere. I don't really let MY family come and get him and take him anywhere, so why should she be any different! LOL!
Numbr 1: I know emotions are a powerful thing. I think that maybe things like that have crossed her mind although, who knows what goes through someones head right? I thought by being so open it would ease her grief some.
Orange Kitty: I have that book and think that it is great. Maybe I could get her a copy of it for Christmas. I think you are right about limiting the visits. I don't want to alienate her, just want her to be real about the situation. I also know that I am dealing with some of my own insecurities also...we are all human
Stephanie