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Originally Posted by leca
My worst fear is that these children I love who definitely remember their birth mom as they were foster children in the "system" will get their files when they are 18 find their birth mom and turn their back on me, the one that raised them. Any one else have this fear?
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I am a bmom 11 months into reunion with my son. I hear very much what you are saying and I sent a letter to his aparents to thank them for their support in his search for me, that he loves them very much and I dont see that clashing with myself and him getting to know each other; that I feel for them, as it must be a shock to them for him to want to search for his roots, even if expected, that I couldn't have wished for a better home for him, stable environment in which to grow, that they'd taken the full force of his adjustments in life (I was referring to drugs,etc) that they deserved his loyalty, and they have it, that I hoped that once he gets to know himself and his biological family that I hoped it would cement their relationship with him and bring them closer than ever.
This is how I feel about the adoptive parents - I'm so grateful that they supported his search. My son has said that he thinks his amom is jealous of our connection and I encourage him to be sensitive to her feelings and I will not allow an "us" and "them" situation. Nearly 30 years of loving a boy that is my birth son is something that I think is wonderful, they have stuck through the most difficult times imaginable with him and I am grateful that they love him so much. I can't say I've found it easy myself, this reunion business is a difficult time (understatement) for me and I can more than imagine for all involved (triad).
So I would say that, yes, your feelings are very understandable, but depending on the triad and those involved, it could turn out happily. I would be appreciative if the amom could reach out to me as I am to her, and I hope we will grow to be supportive of each other. But that will take time and pain to overcome.
I hope these thoughts will comfort you and help you in the time to come. Love is an amazing thing and a child can love 2 mothers in two completely different ways, but the loyalty doesn't have to be divided for both. Love and ((((hugs))) sent your way, I know its difficult for you.