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Ok Holly, put me on the spot!
To give you all a brief run down of events....My beautiful, wonderful, daughter was adopted from Russia in 1998 when she was 12 months old. My ex and I traveled the first time to meet her in April, thinking that we were going to meet our 9 month old son. As it turned out, he was no longer available, our coordinator pressured us to take an older child, and when we said "no", they took us to another babyhouse and introduced us to three other kids around the age of 11-14 months. One of whom was my daughter Mariah. We traveled back one month later and adopted her on May 18th, 9 days after her first birthday. She has been the joy of my life ever since!
Then, jumping forward one year, I had a miscarriage at 12.5 weeks, my ex and I split up because he couldn't handle the pressures and responsibilities of being a dad, and Mariah and I found out the hard way that we could do just fine on our own.
A short time later, I met my dream man and he fell in love with me and my daughter, and we got married in late 2000. So, skipping forward another year... the ex husband died (another long story!), I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had to have a hysterectomy, Mariah starts calling my husband "Daddy" and we start talking about adopting another child.
This year comes around and my husband is doing a step-parent adoption for Mariah, and we have found our son in Guatemala and are currently doing our homestudy and getting our dossier together to bring him home (hopefully!) this summer.
So anyway, we have had a busy time of it and my fears of being abandoned by this husband due to him feeling pressured, etc. are all a thing of the past. Beleive me, if he could put up with everything we've been through in the last three years, then he can put up with anything! He is fantastic and so dedicated to us that I know he will continue to be a great dad to Mariah and to our presently un-named son. (By the way, what do you like better... Ethan James, Joshua James, or Noah James?)
I know that God is watching over us all, and He has a plan. We just can't know what it is yet. It is almost like having a Christmas present under the tree that you know you want, but you can't have it until December 25th. You just need to trust that your parents know you well enough to give you something that you really need and that is really special. That kind of trust is what God wants you to have in him.
Even though I've been in bad places in my life, and had a rough childhood and then an abusive first marriage, etc. etc., blah blah blah....I know that it was all for a reason and I wouldn't change a thing because it made me into the person that I am today. I am happy and healthy and finally feel happy with who I am and how I live my life. If it is in God's plan to bless our family with this little boy in Guatemala, then I know it will happen. If not, then it wasn't meant to be and hopefully there is another child out there who is meant to be a part of our family. Either way... we have each other and I know that that is enough.
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